It's been a little while since my last post and a lot has happened in both my inside and outside worlds. The experiences that have recently passed pushed every single one of my buttons and forced me to really dive deep into the reality of who I am and what I'm on this Earth to do. There was a very clear call to put a hold on my creative projects so that I could focus on and look clearly at myself with patience and honesty. I'm grateful for listening to that call for it has unearthed sobering insights and brought a few blind spots to light.
One of my most consistent intentions for the past few months has been to honour and fully show up to my being. Sticking to that intention has proved to be the most challenging yet rewarding process I could have ever embarked on. It started with really being honest about all the places I externalized my power. Somewhere within my life a pattern arose in where I would idealize others and completely disregard myself. I was practically blind to the beautiful person who I was/am and would continually find myself in situations where I would be left depleted, hurt, and a stranger to the power which lies in my heart. This manifested in failed projects, companies, relationships, and even friendships. I finally had enough at the end of last year and made the long awaited decision to stand up and most importantly listen to the inner compass which has always remained connected to the truth of who I am.
The first and most important step to making this decision real was to start saying no. I had to realize that saying no to someone or something meant saying yes to myself and my destiny. I changed my perspective from supporting others at the expense of my truth to supporting my truth for the betterment of others. This shift of perspective has given me a solid ground within myself to stand on, knowing that everything that lacks alignment will simply fall away, and that's OK! What saying no also did was create space for me to go deeper, or rise higher into my truth of being. With that space came another difficult realization that is ultimately vital to me being the human I have dreamed of being.
Last night I hit a breaking point after a couple dance classes. I left the class with a very real feeling of anger within myself. The feeling of anger came from me realizing that there was a part of my mind distracted with thoughts of other people and a feeling of lack in needing love and affection. That distraction seemed to creep in and overshadow the well earned feelings of self accomplishment that came from seeing the talent and skill I have nurtured. I was fed up and utterly tired with distracting myself from my power. I had to use that anger to look at the illusion with honesty, focus, and compassion before saying enough and laying it to rest. Now I continue to remind myself that the six year-old me was independent, loving, confident, and complete in self. He needed only his own little heart beat and would undertake any quest with open curiosity and the intention to help.
I feel that all the experiences that have passed in the last couple years have been a symphony of events to unravel all the knots that held that six year-old me back. I've seen the importance of being sharply honest with our selves and using emotions as a guide to understand where we have been deluded. It is only through taking full responsibility for our thoughts, actions, emotions, and circumstances that we give ourselves the power to become who we wish to be. Truth with compassion, fierceness with love, and honesty above all.
The little kid in each of us is calling out, and it's up to us to guide and help them grow.